The Scapegoat
A life as the child of a 'Donald' or a 'Markle...'
“Once WE overcome our own limits, only then do WE start to soar.” - Kay Wells/2025
"You know, if you really...<insert narcissistic abuse keyword here, usually ‘loved’>...you would"… get me that...do...ask...say...and on it goes. I coined a phrase for when I heard those three magic words " if you really..." it's to exclaim loudly “pack my bags I'm going on a guilt trip.” my abuser never found this to be as amusing as I did. In a family situation this is how Narcissistic Abusers speak to their Scapegoats because you are the primary reason their life sucks BUT "if you really..." you can prove you deserve love, attention, consideration or appreciation. Don't hold your breath though, for this type of human you will NEVER be enough. For this type of human using words to inflict pain is Oxygen to them. I would rather face a serial killer - at least the torture to fuel their pleasure is relatively short lived.
I lived 53 years of this under a covert narcissist parent and it makes me wonder now just how many of us are out here walking around as just a shell of a person, or worse - a Narcissistic Abuser in their own right. Even war can't simulate the level of “mind-fuckery” that a covert narcissist parent can inflict on an innocent child. Not only do they strip you of your own identity they have to twist it at the same time. On my healing journey I ran into the term CPTSD or Childhood Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and though I am not one to jump on “disorder” bandwagons I can attest to the validity of this one having lived it and the aftermath first hand. CPTSD is a very real thing and I prefer it by the name Childhood PTSD as opposed to Complex or Chronic because the CPTSD I am talking about is what happens to children born to a narcissistic parent abuser. The worst part is that because the abuse is covert and often done out of earshot and the eyes of others....because its words mostly whispered or spoken only so the target can hear...you, the target, are the one everyone believes has the problem and from day one your abuser will poison the family well against you. The baby who cries to much or the child that talks to much, or causes to much mischief or gets others in trouble...the list goes on.
“How do you fight back when it’s your own parent creating this narrative for you from birth?”
When you are someone like myself born higher on the empathy scale, the incongruity between your nature and how you have to behave in order to survive is vast. Cognitive Dissonance is your daily life. The empathic child learns very early on to suppress feelings - the incongruity being its feelings & intuition that are the primary life navigation tool for an Empath. The abuser twists this empathy into something that can become quite cruel and because it happens slowly over a long period of time - and from birth - I would hazard to guess that there are many humans out here that no longer see, hear or feel the baby that was born an Empath that is locked inside. Living locked in a situation that you know with everything you are is not right; and being unable to get away or to affect change in the Narcissist themselves can drive you down a path of addiction and heartache. Some of us make it, some do not. I think as a society we need to take a long hard look at the role of "Parent" there is nothing stopping this type of abuser from having more victims at will. Entire groups are spawned by these humans sometimes.
These types of "Parent" are the Fred Trump Senior’s & Doria Ragland’s of the world. This leads me down a path of many questions:
How many Donald Trump’s and Meghan Markle’s are out there?
How many children have been corrupted at the hands of a Narcissistic Abuser as a parent?
How many are born that way and how many are made?
How many are salvageable?
What would the world look like if these people weren't able to "Parent" new generations of themselves?
Both of my examples - Fred Trump Sr. and Doria Ragland are covert narcissists at the minimum and their children - well we are seeing the results in our faces everyday now. One is the President of the USA and is a proven lying, cheating, scheming Grifter and the other got all the way to Dutchess before she went to far. Some do what I have coined “Icarus” - this is glorious to anyone like me - it’s when the narcissist flies too close to the sun so to speak and burns themselves down. Trump with Epstein and Markle with Charlotte Wales’ school records...once they start to believe they are untouchable that is usually when they self destruct. I have no doubt that my own abuser was likely abused similarly. That does not excuse their behavior though because deep down I think at least some of them know what they are doing is wrong on some level. I know I did and once I was able to see it and acknowledge it I immediately went to work on myself to uncover the Empath that I was born as and heal the psychological damage that had been done. The children like me born high in empathy to a parent (s) without it, we have no protection, no champion. We are isolated and alone living in fight or flight mode 24 x 7 and so substances become a factor. A means to escape your own mind and the constant war between empathy and heartlessness that wages there incessantly. Some make it out intact but most sadly do not and some become mirror images of their abuser and go on to start families of their own.
When the dust has settled and the psychopaths of weforum.org have been stopped how do we as a society help these "children" because it doesn't really matter what age you are, that psychologically tortured & manipulated child is still in there. That child might not have been born without empathy (a true psychopath) empathy may have been conditioned out of them by how they were parented. How do we save them? Can we even? I was 53 when my life played out before me one day - not a life/death thing at all, call it an epiphany I guess but almost like a movie - all the words, manipulations, gas lighting, character assasinations, subtle put downs & criticsms painted a vivid picture in my mind and I could see it all like I was an observer to my own life experience. I saw the abuse I was subjected to AND the abuse I was placing on others. I am a lucky one, I am still here, not from lack of subconsciously trying not to be though.
Healing is possible.
Once you identify the abuse for what it is. Once you can acknowledge the little Empath buried under all that garbage the Narcissist fed you, you can begin your Pheonix. First though the narcissist who is abusing you has to be surgically removed from your life - I am being a wee bit facetious here but seriously - you must go "no contact" with this person as quickly and as safely as you can. Find a professional you can afford and especially trust, to talk to. The healing journey will NOT be easy because you are going to have to hold up a mirror and dissect yourself. You will have to face whatever ugly is reflected back and accept what happened to you was not about you at all. The biggest part is understanding that you, that little kernel of an Empath inside there, is not what your Narcisisstic Abuser has tried to craft you into. Once your natural empathy starts to unfurl though watch out. This is the part where you will need to be stronger than you have EVER imagined you could be because you are going to have to face it , accept it, and forgive yourself and THEN - let it go. It took me about four years to find my way through to where I am today and for a Narcissist I am now one of the most dangerous people out here because I "see" through their masks, they can't hide from someone who has escaped and grown past them. These are dangerous times we are living in. Generations of these narcissists have risen to the top and raised mini me's, this is a generational problem and it is a "Parenting" problem. Just because you can reproduce does not mean you can be a Parent. Our society needs to take this role much more seriously. A "Parent" is a Mentor, how many of us go looking for the worst possible Mentors in life? Exactly. We owe it to our own future as a species to deal with this issue.
P.S. Friends, perhaps when I feel fully healed I will be able to add a face & a voice to this advice but for now words on paper are all I can trust to share. ❤️⚓️🙏🤞
